So i am trying to come to terms with my dad situation. My dad has cancer and in October he had a stroke. Since then he has come back from near death which is a good thing but he's refusing any kind of care. It's really bothering me because well his cancerous tumor's were huge but now they aren't that big but if he continues to act this way he's going to die. So i need to come to terms with that.

i don't know how i can you know. everyone in my family are just waiting for me to go nuts cause he and i are so close you know nad they think that well when it happens i'm going to crash. I find myself speaking to him in past tense and i hate that. Then i've only been to see him three times since then and i know that is wrong but i just can't see him that way cause that's not my dad and then it pisses me off cause he could be better if he wanted to be but he doesn't want to be he chooses to be an asshole and then i find myself wanting to walk in that hospital room and slap the shit out of him but then i realize what good will that do really? None at all. god i'm just so lost and i just wanna die sometimes.


Thanks those who listened.

latoya